Awful day... and more to come

So, now that I feel like I have prefaced what the day I found out about getting laid off was like, I feel like I should talk about how things have really been since that wonderful day.

I know I might have my moments, but for the most part I would say that I am a pretty upbeat person. I try and find the good that come out of every bad situation. I remember my college professor asking how I could laugh at the bad things in my life when others would probably cry. The answer is easy: why cry when you can laugh and make other people laugh with your stories! I love that feeling. It's almost like a drug. Plus, if I don't laugh, I will cry and I'm really not that attractive when I cry.

Anyways, as for the past 4 days, I feel like I am in limbo. Basically (and I don't know why), I got laid off but I have to stick around for two months. If there is any one out there that explain to me the purpose of this to me? I would really appreciate it. I am expected to work and fulfill all of my duties as I would do on a day where I know I'm not going to be unemployed in 57 days.

I understand that I am getting extra time to find a job and still get paid, but seriously, they should just give me the money and let me go home. I am not in any state of mind to help them out when I feel like they are kicking me to the curb. It's like realizing you are in a bad relationship. Why stick around when they obviously don't want you?

To top all of this off (and again I found out 5 days ago), Human Resources originally set a meeting with me to explain everything A WEEK after they tell me I am laid off. Am I being irrational? I was basically told I was being irrational for being upset that they weren't going to talk to me for a whole week. When I talked to HR Rep today, I said, "I'm not trying to make this all about me, but it should be all about me." They are the ones saying goodbye to me - not the other way around, no matter how much I wish that was the case.

Negatives of the day? 

• THE PITY STARES! To all of those who looked at me today like I'm a puppy that is now confined to one of those puppy wheelchairs, I'm not dead!

Bonuses of the day?

• My Manager (AP) is awesome. Very much on my side and totally supportive.
• HR Rep's manager is meeting with me tomorrow. BOOM! Here is to hoping everything goes well.
• AND we started looking at apartments today!!!! Can't wait for Boston. someone please give me a job there so I can get my life started?

kthanksbye.

I GOT LAID OFF! WOO!

So, seriously. What is a girl to do when she finds out that she is one of the unlucky few to receive the bad news that she is getting laid off? Personally, I cried like my dog died. I know, I know - extremely unprofessional, apparently. However, I can’t say that I care all that much. Crying is the only way I knew how to cope, so crying I did.
 
So when HR Rep told me that I needed to calm down because she had information for me, I just got even more upset. When someone tells me to “calm down” I usually just do the opposite – I cried more. I wasn’t intentionally trying to make Director Man and HR Rep uncomfortable, but my filter disappeared the second he said my last day was going to be March 5th.*

Anything I was thinking was blurting out of my mouth – even the fact that I just bought a brand new car 2 weeks ago and Director Man KNEW I was buying a car and didn’t say anything. I thanked him for this. It isn't like he just pulled my name out of a hat and was like, "OH, darn. It's Stacey."

Also, being the light-hearted, up-beat person I am, was trying to make jokes at my own expense, saying I didn’t wake up this morning thinking today was going to be the day I got laid off. HR Rep said, “No one wakes up knowing they are going to get laid off…” I said, “Well there were a couple days in December I was pretty sure I was going to get the ax.” These people must not have any type of sense of humor. (Yes, I do understand that I was still bawling my eyes out at this point but come on! Give a girl a pity chuckle or something.)

The kicker of the whole meeting was when I was trying to stop crying and I said, “Wow, this is really hard.” HR Rep: “Well, this is really hard on us too.” I’m sorry to say here that I DON’T CARE HOW YOU FEEL! YOU STILL HAVE A JOB! I wish I would have said that. I didn’t. I’ll have to wait for next time, I guess.

I’m going to fast forward here and just say that this meeting did not go very well. I felt like I was being treated like I was four-year-old instead of the 25-year-old that I am. This usually does not go over well with me. Usually though, I don’t say anything and I just take it. Not this time, though. After feeling like I was being rushed out of the office to leave for the day, I was reminded that I was still in a professional environment and that I should remember to conduct myself in a professional manner. (This is after I was bust out in tears for the past 30 minutes.) I couldn’t help myself when I said right back at her, “Do you think I am going to run down the row screaming hysterically? Screaming that I just got laid-off? Please give me a little more credit than that,” and I left. (I give myself a mental pat on the back every time I think of this.)

This is more on this topic but I think I might freak out if I keep thinking about it.
What is the lesson of all this? Change. I get to reinvent myself. I have nothing holding me back. So, I'm going for it. I'm changing.

*Yes, March 5. Please don’t ask me why I have to sit here for the next 2 months knowing that I don’t have a job anymore and that I will not be receiving any new work from now until the end. This isn’t limbo, it’s hell on earth.