Only 12 more work days... hopefully

So, like I have said, I was told that I would need to stick around until March 5th if I wanted all of the benefits from this whole situation of getting laid off. Well, this is not the case.

This morning, I met with my (original) HR Rep so she could answer the questions that have burning a hole in my head since last Thursday. I do have to say, she was much nicer today. I guess she is just one of those people you have to say, "Listen. I know you probably don't mean it, but you are being very mean." Once I said that to her, it was like she turned into one of those infomercial ladies - super smiley, way too sweet, makes you want to punch them in the face. At least she was laughing at my jokes today. The crying must have put her off before.

Anyways, she was pretty informative and helpful. So I decided to ask about something that was being passed around the Rumor Mill  - that those who got the ax didn't really need to stay until March. And this is TRUE! If management thinks the person can leave earlier than that, the layoff-ee (?) will still receive all benefits and pay until March 5th.

When I heard this, I sat down with AP, my manager, and pretty much said that there is no way I have enough work to keep me occupied for 8 weeks. Plus, I don't think I would mentally be able to stay that long. Soooo I pretty much said I wanted my last day to be January 29th. In my brain, my last day is January 29th. In her brain, my last day is the 29th. However, she needs to go to talk to Director Man. Can I say I wouldn't be surprised if he said no out of spite?

Positives of the day:

• One of my internal clients I worked with came over to my cube this morning and told me that he was really sad to see me go. This is pretty awesome because I think it is hard to find sincerely nice people that work here and it was super sweet. 
• Went to Qdoba today for lunch with D and got double points for eating there on Tuesday. The Diet Coke and Lemon (DCw/L) was a high point.

Negatives of the day:

• The thought of having to say goodbye to my Qdoba people is heart breaking. I feel that the fact that I don't really have to say what I want and Skippy NeckTats (D - is this how I need to spell this?) just starts making my little baby burrito is amazing and I am never going to find this service anywhere else. 
• Thinking about not having lunch with D everyday. I think when you eat lunch with someone almost every single day for almost 2 years, it's a pretty sad knowing it is going to end.

Awful day... and more to come

So, now that I feel like I have prefaced what the day I found out about getting laid off was like, I feel like I should talk about how things have really been since that wonderful day.

I know I might have my moments, but for the most part I would say that I am a pretty upbeat person. I try and find the good that come out of every bad situation. I remember my college professor asking how I could laugh at the bad things in my life when others would probably cry. The answer is easy: why cry when you can laugh and make other people laugh with your stories! I love that feeling. It's almost like a drug. Plus, if I don't laugh, I will cry and I'm really not that attractive when I cry.

Anyways, as for the past 4 days, I feel like I am in limbo. Basically (and I don't know why), I got laid off but I have to stick around for two months. If there is any one out there that explain to me the purpose of this to me? I would really appreciate it. I am expected to work and fulfill all of my duties as I would do on a day where I know I'm not going to be unemployed in 57 days.

I understand that I am getting extra time to find a job and still get paid, but seriously, they should just give me the money and let me go home. I am not in any state of mind to help them out when I feel like they are kicking me to the curb. It's like realizing you are in a bad relationship. Why stick around when they obviously don't want you?

To top all of this off (and again I found out 5 days ago), Human Resources originally set a meeting with me to explain everything A WEEK after they tell me I am laid off. Am I being irrational? I was basically told I was being irrational for being upset that they weren't going to talk to me for a whole week. When I talked to HR Rep today, I said, "I'm not trying to make this all about me, but it should be all about me." They are the ones saying goodbye to me - not the other way around, no matter how much I wish that was the case.

Negatives of the day? 

• THE PITY STARES! To all of those who looked at me today like I'm a puppy that is now confined to one of those puppy wheelchairs, I'm not dead!

Bonuses of the day?

• My Manager (AP) is awesome. Very much on my side and totally supportive.
• HR Rep's manager is meeting with me tomorrow. BOOM! Here is to hoping everything goes well.
• AND we started looking at apartments today!!!! Can't wait for Boston. someone please give me a job there so I can get my life started?

kthanksbye.

I GOT LAID OFF! WOO!

So, seriously. What is a girl to do when she finds out that she is one of the unlucky few to receive the bad news that she is getting laid off? Personally, I cried like my dog died. I know, I know - extremely unprofessional, apparently. However, I can’t say that I care all that much. Crying is the only way I knew how to cope, so crying I did.
 
So when HR Rep told me that I needed to calm down because she had information for me, I just got even more upset. When someone tells me to “calm down” I usually just do the opposite – I cried more. I wasn’t intentionally trying to make Director Man and HR Rep uncomfortable, but my filter disappeared the second he said my last day was going to be March 5th.*

Anything I was thinking was blurting out of my mouth – even the fact that I just bought a brand new car 2 weeks ago and Director Man KNEW I was buying a car and didn’t say anything. I thanked him for this. It isn't like he just pulled my name out of a hat and was like, "OH, darn. It's Stacey."

Also, being the light-hearted, up-beat person I am, was trying to make jokes at my own expense, saying I didn’t wake up this morning thinking today was going to be the day I got laid off. HR Rep said, “No one wakes up knowing they are going to get laid off…” I said, “Well there were a couple days in December I was pretty sure I was going to get the ax.” These people must not have any type of sense of humor. (Yes, I do understand that I was still bawling my eyes out at this point but come on! Give a girl a pity chuckle or something.)

The kicker of the whole meeting was when I was trying to stop crying and I said, “Wow, this is really hard.” HR Rep: “Well, this is really hard on us too.” I’m sorry to say here that I DON’T CARE HOW YOU FEEL! YOU STILL HAVE A JOB! I wish I would have said that. I didn’t. I’ll have to wait for next time, I guess.

I’m going to fast forward here and just say that this meeting did not go very well. I felt like I was being treated like I was four-year-old instead of the 25-year-old that I am. This usually does not go over well with me. Usually though, I don’t say anything and I just take it. Not this time, though. After feeling like I was being rushed out of the office to leave for the day, I was reminded that I was still in a professional environment and that I should remember to conduct myself in a professional manner. (This is after I was bust out in tears for the past 30 minutes.) I couldn’t help myself when I said right back at her, “Do you think I am going to run down the row screaming hysterically? Screaming that I just got laid-off? Please give me a little more credit than that,” and I left. (I give myself a mental pat on the back every time I think of this.)

This is more on this topic but I think I might freak out if I keep thinking about it.
What is the lesson of all this? Change. I get to reinvent myself. I have nothing holding me back. So, I'm going for it. I'm changing.

*Yes, March 5. Please don’t ask me why I have to sit here for the next 2 months knowing that I don’t have a job anymore and that I will not be receiving any new work from now until the end. This isn’t limbo, it’s hell on earth.